You want to know

I know you're just dying to know what I think about something. What is it?

Poor old Luke

I was thinking about overcoming adversity yesterday. People who've had just really crappy family situations and yet have come through, nay SUCCEEDED! No one personifies this more...than Luke Skywalker. Let's recap his life.
-Born a twin to a mother who singlehandedly caused the rise of the empire.
-Father was a burn victim who abused his mother and tried to kill him on numerous occasions
-Father sliced off his hand and killed his mentor
-Father created massive doomsday device and obliterated planets

yet Luke, against all odds, rises in wisdom and power to overthrow the evil sith lord and provide a path of redemption for his Father. What a trooper.
I had a lot of time to think about that yesterday.

Fatness and a brief recap

I always thought of my dad as a big fella (sorry dad). He's got a gut and often lifts his shirt to display it proudly to the general horror of any female in the vicinity. I'm looking down as I type this at the buttons straining on my shirt. The sad thing is, my shirt is XL. I had to stop wearing a certain belt buckle, or belt buckles in particular, because they dug into my ponch while I sat down. One of the roots of my problem is the following:
I want to kiss whoever invented Dr. Pepper on the mouth. Or ranch dressing or gravy for that matter. maybe alfredo sauce, too, but that could be a little excessive, I don't know. It's the 23 flavors. And then the creamy, lard type substances. Mayonnaise used to be lumped in there, but I"m over that now
So, to recap...Harry Potter, Twilight, and Dr. Pepper. Throw in some bon-bons and I'll have to start watching the Bold and the Beautiful and whining about what's going to happen to Ridge...not that I know anything about Ridge or Brooke.... I swear I don't know what you're talking about. Apparently, I'm a large woman. I think I need to take up hunting...BOW-hunting...grizzly bears. Yeah...that's the ticket. Lose weight and regain the masculinity I dropped just before typing this blog. I must have serious issues.

The BEst Thing

I just want to follow Jesus.

Deep down, I really just want to Know Him well...to know Him deeply.
When i was 18, I went to a night of worship Dennis Jernigan was leading. He's a great songwriter and worship leader. He was a worshp leader before it was cool to be so. You've probably sung his songs in church. He does this thing where he answers questions and talks to people as long as anyone wants. I was a young worship leader, thinking I knew the best way to do things and eagerly seeking approval from...well anywhere. I walk up to him and a mutual friend introduced us. I stood there with my notepad, stars in my eyes, and told him I was a young worship leader and if he had any advice for me. He looks at me and says, "Seek Jesus." That's it? That was the golden advice I was waiting for? I thought for sure there was some obscure verse I didn't know...or some "special" prayer or something. Apparently this showed in my face because he went on to say, "Just seek Jesus and not a ministry."

I never forgot that little exchange. It's taken me 10 years to even begin to comprehend the wisdom behind those simple words, "Seek Jesus". I've watched people rise up and become great worship leaders...respected, influential worship leaders in the Christian community. I've questioned God as to why i wasn't there...why I wasn't... essentially a "famous" worship leader. What an idiot am I?

I believe I was created by God very purposefully. He gave me certain talents and gifts, certain thorns and short-comings. HE knows me so well, that He's spent these 10 years since that conversation stripping away the earthly reasons for success and replacing them with a genuine desire to KNOW HIM WELL. Not that I'm very good at that.

I feel like I've failed more than I've succeeded in my short 28 years. In all those ways I've tried to do what I want and follow God at the same time. It rarely worked, if ever. IN the end, it really comes down to knowing Jesus. I think i'll keep giving that a shot.

Everyday Conversation

In one week, I read the twilight Saga. It's been weird spending a week inside the head of a fictional teenage girl. Toward the end, I started interjecting metaphors from the book into everyday conversation to the delight of all around me. For example...

"I just need to let that go...like Bella let go of her new found thirst for blood for the good of her half-vampire child"
or
"I'm so confused...like Jacob was after he found out his best friend wanted to become a vampire, his mortal enemy"
or
"That smells good...like the scent of Edward to his lover, Isabella"

The last few weeks, I have made a conscious effort to remember who i was before I let the cancer of other people's opinions affect me so greatly. I'm slowly remembering who i was before religion enslaved my thinking. I'm re-learning the freedom that's found in a relationship with Christ. I'm finding out who i really was made to be...like Jacob did when he found out he was a werewolf...or Bella, when she first used her abilities as a shield to protect her family and all those who stood beside her.

I can't stop...
like James when he started hunting Edward's lover, Isabella.
CRAP!